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Healy Adoption Testimony

We have three children, two biological sons and our adopted daughter; we also currently have a 2 ½ month old foster baby in the house...we’re really busy! Our foster-adoption journey began about 6 years ago when God placed upon our hearts the desire for a third child.

Initially, after having our two boys 16-months apart, we thought we were done “bearing fruit;” we’d replaced ourselves in the gene-pool, we weren’t outnumbered, and frankly having two babies back-to-back was a little overwhelming for us. But when our 2^nd boy was about 3-years old, I started to feel that little “tug”—that little maternal yearning for just one more.

My husband, on the other hand, didn’t necessarily have that little “tug” at the time, but like Pastor Rick says, a wife’s pillow talk can speak volumes to her husband’s heart.

My husband and I both have a heart for helping children—me, because I was raised as an only child in a very abusive home and God has been able to take those wounds and turn them into a walking miracle. My husband because, well, he’s just a really great guy!

So, at this point, we knew that the next child to join our family would come to us through adoption. We did a little research on local and international adoption and those just didn’t seem right for us. We had a good friend who was a social worker with Orange County and he encouraged us to look into becoming a concurrent foster family—where we would foster a child until legally available for adoption. 

We knew right away that this was the option for us, and let me tell you why. There’s a need. We were surprised to learn that there are thousands of children right here in Orange County in need of a home; not just a home…a family.  We thought, “how could we live in one of the most affluent areas of the country, and yet have so many kids neglected or abused?”  We decided to begin the licensing process right away.

God has a lot to say about patience in the Bible and he decided to start testing us here. And I know that the testing of your faith is supposed to develop perseverance…I know it, I’ve read it, God says it and I believe it. But sometimes that is just a hard thing to do!  At the time, the licensing process was longer than is it now and pridefully we thought, “Well, hey, we already have two bio-kids. We know what we’re doing…mostly. We’ve already gone through infancy, toddlerhood and all that stuff.  Don’t we get some kid-credits or can we just place test out of some of this?” 

But at the time, we didn’t see God’s purpose and plans in this time of preparation. It was during the training classes that God provided another couple with whom we could share the experience. Your friends and family can love you and support you through this, but nobody will understand it like someone else going through it with you—the process, the emotions, the social services jargon and legalese that we had to get used to.   We started to use that time of preparation to build a relationship with the other couple, so that when it came time to have a child placed with either of us there would be that unique support system in place.

Then, after we were licensed, the waiting began. This is when you wait for a child to come into the system and be matched with your family. Dave was particularly feeling stressed and impatient during this time, but realized that he was not putting his trust in God’s timing and fully accepting that God was totally in control; he realized that this was not in our hands, but it was in good hands. In prayer, Dave actually asked God to forgive him for his impatience and gave it all back to the Lord.  Two days later, we got “The Call.”

August 25, 2005, a beautiful summer day the phone rang; it was our social worker.  With no formalities she said, “OK, there’s an 8-month old baby girl at Orangewood Children’s Home, both parents are incarcerated…are you interested?”   Uh…YEAH!  “Alright, the thing is you have to get her tomorrow; is that going to work?”  Uh…yeah?!?!  

So then there was the mad dash to Target to get a crib, mattress, sheets, toys, jammies, food, bottles, diapers, formula.  You see, we asked for a newborn all the way up to about age three, to keep the birth order of our kids intact. We didn’t have this stuff ahead of time because we didn’t know the age we were going to get. That was really God’s decision. 

August 26, 2005—a day I’ll never forget, like a mother never forgets birthing, I’ll never forget those moments.  They carried her in to the meeting area and handed her to me. It’s hard to describe, to put words to it for you. It was as if summer sunshine was just brought into the room and placed in my arms. 

She still loves for me to tell her this story at bedtime. “Mommy, tell me about the day you picked me up.”

I’d love to be able to tell you that it was all rainbows and sunshine from that moment on, but that wouldn’t be fair. There is the reality of the legal system and we had to facilitate her visiting her birth parents for the next 10 months.  I don’t want to go into too many details, but what I can say is that we were reduced to our knees everyday.

This was the time in our lives where it was more clear than ever that we cannot go through life, especially the trials of life, without totally relying on God. I thought I was a strong person. I had been through a lot in my own life; I could handle things OK. But this stripped me down until there was nothing left of me and I had to turn it all over to the only one who could shoulder the weight of the situation. Sometimes, the only thing you can do is pray and that is when you have to trust God the most.

We wanted to make a difference in this baby’s life; we wanted to adopt her. But we had to realize that we weren’t in control; it wasn’t about what we wanted. Remember, it wasn’t in our hands, but it was all in good hands.

Another thing that was really helpful during this time was our small group. I can’t even begin to explain how much I appreciate the support they gave us during this time. Because the baby was going through so much stress during those 10 months of visitation, we didn’t want to create any additional chaos for her. So every week, the small group met in our house so that she could have the consistency of staying at home and being put to bed in her own room.

The families took turns bringing dinner every week; this was definitely not easy or convenient for them, but they rallied around us and accommodated us just to contribute to keeping her life more calm and peaceful during this time. This is the body of Christ taking care of each other and what small groups are all about.

In June 2006 parental rights were terminated. When our social worker called to let us know, I just crumpled to the floor, in tears. So much had happened over those 10 months. She had been put through so much. We were exhausted. But God was faithful.

I have to add though, that even though we knew that in her case she should not have returned to the birth parents, you have to remember these parents lost their little girl. As much as I was relieved that she would never be in danger again, I couldn’t help but feel a sort of punch in the gut and some compassion for what the birth parents must have gone through, no matter what they had done. It’s amazing what God can do in your heart.

And I needed to develop that compassion, because now we have our little 2 ½ month old foster-baby. Social Services and the courts have every intention of returning this baby to her mother. And even though the mom made a serious mistake to lose custody of her, it’s important for us as the foster parents to have love and compassion and help this family reunite. And it’s not always easy. Birth parents can be defensive, scared, angry, and in incredible emotional pain from losing their child.  With God’s help, I know we can do this.

Dave and I were recently reflecting on this process. Remember that little “tug” I told you about? Well, Dave’s little “tug” is to eventually go into full-time missionary work  (I say he better get a move on the pillow talk!).   But as we foster, filling the need here in OC, we feel like this is God's training ground preparing us for the more immense challenges we're going to face with orphan care in the mission field perhaps 20+ years from now.

Although we think the PEACE plan is amazing in it's scope and goals, we initially felt like there wasn't a place for us to serve, being in this season of life with small children still at home. To us, the PEACE plan seemed like an empty-nesters dream!  But now, we realize that in serving here, making small contributions to the lives of local kids, God is preparing us to make larger contributions later in life.

Truly, there is a huge need to care for the world's orphans - - the abused and the neglected.  But not all of us are able to travel the globe to do missions work right now.  When you help one of the almost 3,000 kids here in OC, you are in the mission field.  When you bring one into your home, you bring the mission home.

In closing, I’d just like to share with you the verse that keeps me motivated for these kids. It’s from Proverbs 31:8-9:

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.  Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.